A Shiva visit can be awkward. Should you sit
quietly or say something wise? Should you offer help or just a comforting hug?
Most people don’t know what to do. Some give the mourner a quiet hug and a
grave sigh before retreating to chat with other visitors, some talk to the
mourners about the latest gossip and current affairs, and some try to console
the mourner with banal clichés.
Just like the four sons, who show us the many
ways that people can come to a Seder table, these approaches show us the
many ways that people cope with a Shiva visit. But at least all four sons
appear at the Seder. There is the fifth son, who is the most painful of all. He
is so uncomfortable or so ignorant that he doesn’t even show up. The same is
true for Shiva. No matter how you cope with your Shiva visit, at least you show
up. There are those who feel so awkward that they don’t even go.
To the anxious visitor, staying away seems
like a neutral solution. But it is important to
↧